I sit on the brown leather couch in the office and take the first sip of my latte. It is perfect. Perfect temperature, perfect amount of Ghirardelli salty caramel sauce, and perfect amount of foam. I crack open The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, eager to unravel the mystery behind the relationship of Evelyn and Monique. How are they connected? Why did Evelyn choose her? I turn the page and flatten out the paperback before I pull my coffee cup back up to my lips for another sip. It burns. Not from the temperature but because of the eroded, open sores in my mouth from my most recent erosive oral lichen planus flare up. I shut my eyes, holding back tears waiting for the pain to subside. I am not going to let this ruin my morning. I balance my coffee mug on the arm of the couch and return to my book. I breathe in and out slowly repeating to myself that it will be okay. I have missed two full days of my immunosuppressant CellCept. It will arrive today and reset this flare up. It will be okay.

As I read, my phone rings. It is OptumRx. I glance at the phone, then back to my book, then back to the phone. OptumRx rings probably about every day with an automated message about my prescriptions that I can just check and validate in the app. But, I do have it on my list to call them today to confirm my CellCept medication will arrive today as it missed the window when it was supposed to arrive. I pick up the phone, anticipating having to punch numbers until a human representative responds, and am shocked when the response to my “hi” is not informing me of an important prescription I ordered but a human asking me to provide my DOB before we continue our conversation. After complying, she informs me that my CellCept will arrive tomorrow, not today. This now means three full days without my immunosuppressant as my tongue and cheeks slowly erode away. I explain to her that I spoke with someone last week who guaranteed the medication would arrive on Saturday (two days ago). She checks the records while I am on the phone with her and states there was nothing in the system. I yet again go through the same process I did last week. The order was filed on January 20th. There is confirmation from my doctor’s office and I saw it in the OptumRx app as an ordered medication that was still in progress. She sighed and countered with the fact that it was most likely due to this medication being a specialty medication that requires the nurses and doctors to phone in to a separate line instead of the main OptumRx pharmacy line. The call ends. I am speechless. I sit back on the couch defeated. How are the doctors or nurses supposed to know this rule? This medication has been ordered previously through OptumRx since October. What changed? I stare down at my phone, screen off, cradled in my hands on top of my lap. I am mad and I want to cry at the same time. I try so hard to stay on top of my medications but yet again I am in the position of having to call and email various order numbers and prescription requests. 

I think to myself and laugh. I am stuck in a game of whack-a-mole. I call in for one medication, the other medication disappears. I don’t receive any notification that that medication is no longer being processed and when I try to get answers, I’m sent to follow up with my doctor. My doctor sends the prescription (again) and I follow up with the pharmacy. The pharmacy gets the prescription that they (most likely) originally accidentally canceled and I’m here stuck with a mouth on fire, unable to eat or talk without pain, and a feeling of malaise. If only I had a real mallet I could actually hit something with.